Nippon! Won’t you take me into your arms and make me
Into a sargeant, emboldened and enlargened
For some the spell was shafted, but I am in your sway
Yes, I am still enchanted by the ways of yesterday
To the public park, I walk my new wife
In the summer heat, I lose my head
I tell her that the army needs a modus operandi
I tell her where I really went that evening in Chelsea
I tell her I don’t think I’ll last another single night
She says “Yeah, right!”
If I do it with an ice pick, will I come back as a jock?
If I fast until starvation, will I be born again a Christian?
I hear that death by burning means returning as a girl
But only by seppuku can I retain my virtue
(Remember to purge or I’ll get shit on official rugs)
But all my efforts have only made
An army of greedy gays
Will no one read The Sound of Waves?
Oh, oh, I am afraid